Superiority Complex refers to an overly high opinion of oneself. In psychology, it refers to the unrealistic and exaggerated belief that one is better than others.

I am a little concerned about how i behaved in the hospital today. You see, I am a nurse trainee in one of the tertiary hospitals here in the Philippines. It’s a 3 month training consisting of 480 hours of clinical training and experience. I am assigned in the most toxic ward in the hospital, the Medical Ward. We have a census of around 65-80 patients per shift. 30% of the patients needs monitoring, 10% are in critical conditions and 5% needs an ambubag and other resuscitation materials at bedside. That is how toxic and stressful the ward is.

Going back to my inappropriate behavior. There are 6 trainees in the ward including me. We come from different schools in the metropolis. We have different attitudes towards nursing and have different clinical experiences as a student. The only similarity we have is that this is our first clinical experience as registered nurses. Here is the thing, 50% of us doesn’t like the course (i think) or maybe the training program. Some of of my co-trainees suddenly disappears, some just like to sit in the lounging area and some are just there– physically present but mentally absent. It’s just sad because as I mentioned earlier, the ward is very toxic and they just don’t care. And  I don’t like it when nurses refuse to care. I hate it when your co-workers are killing themselves managing the ward while some are just lying around as if everything is okay.

The problem with me is that I seem to think that these “co-trainees” don’t deserve my attention and time. I don’t talk to them a lot. If they try to reach out, I will always make it a point to end the conversation as soon as possible. I don’t even join them during lunch time. It’ss as if I have this superiority complex over them. What makes things worst, and take note, I’m really embarrassed by this, is that I tell my friends of how annoying and how stupid they can get. I know, it’s mean. I know that I don’t have any right to say bad things about their level of knowledge in the ward nor the ability of the school where they graduated to educate them but I can’t help it at times. But I know that what I’m doing is freakishly wrong. Just because they don’t think the way I think doesn’t mean that I’m correct and they’re wrong. Just because I’m a little more familiar with the ward doesn’t mean that I am competent and they are not. And just because I graduated at a state university doesn’t make their school education a little less than mine.

I am terribly sorry for the bad things I may have said about them today. I really feel bad. I will really try my best to communicate and mingle with my co-trainees starting today. If I see any flaws, I will try to ignore it or maybe help out on things. I will try not to be easily angered and I will try to be positive no matter what. And if things really get out of hand, I am hoping that I can manage to just let it be and not dwell much about it. No more superiority complex. No more mister-know-it-all. No more smart-aleck. No more bitch-from-next-door attitude. Help me God.

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